apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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