I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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