you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
