i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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