The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
