We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
