During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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