I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
