I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
