fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
