Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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