After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
