i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
