I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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