I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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