I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Found your dick twin last night
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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