today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
