Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
