you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
