Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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