So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
