My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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