im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
