Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
