"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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