you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
