we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
