you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
