im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
