I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
