I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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