there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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