Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
