she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
How's work?
Spinning.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
