Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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