He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
