this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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