Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I think my moral compass just broke
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
