just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
