I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
