So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
