From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
