Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
