After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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