I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
