Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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