apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
