I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
