I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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