Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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