i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
