I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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